I have always been a planner in my life, even when I was married I would always be busy with my family or friends. After my divorce, I would never be alone. I would either have my daughter or make plans with my friends. For the first couple years, I was okay with not being alone and I had enough friends to make plans with all the time.
It was such a hard thing for me to overcome because I’m a typical talkative wife who always share every single things to a husband, even though sometimes there was no response but I still share.. (haha) and suddenly life become…deathly quiet. I was alone and it sucked. Your married friends will think it sounds heavenly, but the feeling really sucks. The feeling is so hard to explain when your life goes from complete chaos to a complete halt in a matter of hours.
I would also talk to myself a lot, I would work through things, and it seemed to help. We are all a little crazy. I think we all feel a little lost after divorce and it does take time to find your place. I knew I needed to learn to be alone if I ever wanted to be content with myself. I knew I needed this time to figure out my areas of my life… Ya, that could probably take a lifetime. But it worked… the time alone got me to put a lot of my past behind me.
I was an educated, urban woman, but I was not an independent woman. I finally realized I could not wait for my friends to do things together.. If I wanted to do something I should just do it. Since then, I decided to do everything alone (not so called alone actually, it’s everything with my daughter) I had many thoughts going through my head… will people wonder why I am alone, will I not know what I am doing, will I fall off and drown. No one will even know where I am… since I am alone. All of those thoughts went through my head. The truth is that people could care less what I was doing and why I was there alone. However, if you are someone like me, always with people.. it is a hard step to take. I pushed myself to do it and I loved it. That’s the truth.
Now, I will actually say no to plans with friends, so I can have some time for just doing things by myself and my daughter. Yes, only both of us. Either trying out a new place for traveling, exploring or just watching movie in cinema . I will actual plan for that time in my week and make sure that I do it. Life gets crazy and if I actually schedule the time, then I will do it.
New year 2020 is coming. I love traveling. I don’t care if I need to travel alone (or with my daughter). No one dare to follow me haha. It’s okay, I believe that locals will always help. I’m planning to travel to more adventurous city such as Jarusalem, Baitul maqdis, Turkey, Iran, Maldives, Russia and searching Aurora in Iceland. All this cities are in my checklist for 2020. If there is a hobby or activity that you are really wanting to try, You just need to do it. Do not wait for others to join, but try it on your own. Honestly, now I love the times that I have to myself.
Thanks for reading! Next time, I’ll write about my traveling stories. InsyaAllah.